Month: March 2016

“I had plenty of pimples as a kid. One day I fell asleep in the library. When I woke up, a blind man was reading my face.”

“If it wasn’t for pick-pockets I’d have no sex life at all.”

“I went to a fight the other night, and a hockey game broke out.”

“My wife was afraid of the dark…then she saw me naked and now she’s afraid of the light.”

“I told my wife the truth. I told her I was seeing a psychiatrist. Then she told me the truth: that she was seeing a psychiatrist, two plumbers, and a bartender.”

“I tell ya, my wife was never nice. On our first date, I asked her if I could give her a goodnight kiss on the cheek – she bent over!”